A Question for Men and Women

Passow, Vorlesen in der Dorfbibliothek

My dear friend James is one of those people I can share and discuss almost anything with. He's a pretty hardcore atheist skeptic, and we can have discussions about literally any topic under the sun without the discussion becoming heated or without resorting to personal attacks. He is one of my 'safe' people - I can discuss basically anything with him without worrying that I will lose his friendship over a disagreement. I say all this to give background to the following discussion and question I'd like to pose to all of you - this is not the extension of a heated discussion where I am putting the question to the masses in order to win a debate, but rather a genuine curiosity about the opinions of my audience. Basically, this is an unscientific survey to collect opinions.

We were having a discussion earlier this week about male-female (heterosexual) relationships. And the idea was proposed thusly:

There are a lot of forever alone types on Reddit. The first thing that people say to them when they ask for dating advice is basically to work on your confidence and dress better. So it sounds like what you are saying is that the majority of women don't care about these kinds of things. While dressing well doesn't really have to do with how much money you have, it's directly related to how you are viewed socially.

In my mind, these are really sound tips. You are much more likely to get a date in basically any context if you dress better and act more confident. And again, not everyone, but a lot of people.

If you are telling a guy how to get a good girlfriend, what do you tell him? Be yourself? Come on. It's not middle school. Of course, I don't think you should lie to people. But you definitely have to be socially capable and presentable to be attractive to most girls.

I explained that, for me, dressing well and confidence are a very low bar: basically, know who you are as a person and be able to make decisions for yourself, and don't come to a date looking like you just rolled in dirt.

James thought that most girls probably have a higher bar for the "dressing well and confidence" mean knowing fashion and knowing what goes with what, and being able to be outgoing and charming.

And thus we ended up at an impasse. So I decided to turn to you, my blog audience, to enhance the discussion a little. And James and I ask this simple question:

When you tell a guy or girl to "dress well and be confident" in order to be more attractive to the opposite sex, what do you mean by it? What does good dress and confidence mean to you?

Feel free to leave your opinions in the comments!

feminismDianna Anderson