Posts tagged abuse
When "I Made a Mistake" Isn't Enough

We’re so bent on forgiveness and grace and love and the centering of these virtues that we’ve forgotten that all of these are things that must be given freely and cannot be demanded or placed as burdens. The moment forgiveness becomes a burden placed upon the abused, it ceases to be any real form of grace. Grace does not come from well-meaning friends defending and explaining the abuser’s actions, by demands that we show grace for a mistake. Grace comes from knowing the hurt and the pain caused and making a conscious choice not to forget the pain, but to make sure that pain does not define your relationship to that person any more. It takes a lot of work to get to that point.

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Dehumanization, Disbelief, and Disenfranchisement: Why We Must Believe Survivors

It’s easy to imagine that my uncle was a monster, destitute and alone in his dying days, but I know that it’s not true. He had at least one son, a wife, and a family that probably loved him. He had a job, and insurance enough that paid his medical bills. Far from being a monstrous predator, ostracized from all who knew him, my uncle’s pedophilia was an open secret in the family, the missing stair that my family worked around. My parents, by protecting me, took a remarkable step of setting and keeping a strict boundary, unusual in this day and age, and even more unusual in the 1980s Midwest.

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