Posts tagged daycare stories
I Don't Really Care How You Feel About My Life

Pity, rather than empathy, doesn’t actually add to a discussion of oppression. Instead, it recenters the discussion on the oppressor who now feels bad for oppressing. It’s a subtle, unconscious way of re-establishing dominance in spaces that exist for the oppressed. The man who feels the need to tell women that he feels sad is a man who cannot bear being quiet long enough to allow women to direct the discussion. Your feelings about our lives are useful in that they may motivate you to work within the oppressive class to change things. But your feelings about our lives are only useful if you don’t make them into our problem.

Read More
What Being Free of Shame Looks Like

The thing about shame is that it’s insidious. It gets directly at our anxieties and pushes all the right buttons. And shame almost always comes from the outside – it starts as an external pressure saying “you are not enough” or “you are too much.” And over time, we internalize such speech and it becomes second nature to quiet ourselves, to dedicate ourselves to taking up less space, to avoiding shame through coping mechanisms that make us less ourselves.

Read More
Do I Know You? False Intimacy in Purity Culture

I wonder, often, if the church hasn’t replaced a loving relationship with rules, regulations and Westernized concepts of what “orthodoxy” looks like. This is certainly the case in purity culture, where remaining a virgin at all costs is valued higher than how you eventually treat your spouse. Sex outside the “right” context has the power to completely destroy a person’s standing, religiously speaking, regardless of the context of a relationship or the other ways a person behaves.

Read More