Posts tagged sex
Why Do Evangelicals Think Everyone Is Addicted to Porn?

When we pathologize certain behaviors while simultaneously misunderstanding what that pathology actually means, we create a world of fear, a world of shame. We make it impossible for people to differentiate between normal sexual expression and experience and the dangerous, life-altering effects of sexual addiction. And that, of course, is the goal – evangelicalism thrives on the fear of our own bodies, so keeping us in the dark about potential addictions prevents us from actually confronting the idea that we might be sexual beings altogether.

Read More
Can Skinny People Have Good Sex And Other Foolish Questions

There’s this concept in feminism that the male gaze is internalized in women to the point where we imagine it forever judging us, even if no men are present. In Christian culture, this male gaze is intensified sevenfold, as we are instructed to keep our brothers’ spiritual lives at the forefront of how we dress and how we behave. It is virtually impossible, then, to leave such views at the bedroom door, bringing every insecurity and foible into the bed with our partners. Even as we experience the approval that is a person wanting to have sex with us in that moment, we women are wondering how our fat looks as it jiggles in the motions of sex.

Read More
Five Lies the Church Told Me About Sex

The culture of evangelicalism is very insular and very hard to move out of once you’ve been in it for a long time. There is so much that is simply understood and taken for granted that leaving that world feels like moving into a foreign country where nothing is like it seems. And you begin to realize your home country was lying to you about nearly everything.

Read More
Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract

Marriage is first and foremost about two people coming together, committing to be with each other and to become a new family. The sexual relationship is one element of a number of things that have to come together and be communicated about in order to make a marital relationship work. This new family must decide where and how they’ll live, how they’ll communicate and check in on the relationship, make end of life decisions in the event of illness or accidents, what churches they’ll attend, whether or not to have kids and how they will parent them. It is two different people working out how to support each other throughout their lives and committing to loving each other (often) exclusively. This may or may not include sex, but sex is not the end-all-be-all of the marital relationship.

Read More
Let's Talk About S-E-X: Women, Porn, and The Real World

In other words, if you are going to watch porn, you need to be careful which porn you choose and do so in a mature, healthy fashion. Yes, I believe it is possible to view porn in a healthy manner, just as I believe it is possible to view violent movies in a healthy manner. All things in moderation, as it were.

Read More