Posts tagged sexual assault
Why I Didn't Report: A Story in Five Parts

I see so many people – writers, pundits, politicians – spilling so much ink in consternation over the fate of those accused of rape. I see statistics trotted out, analyzed, dismissed, deconstructed, defended, denied. I see stories of survivors picked apart, analyzed bit by bit in the court of public opinion, knowing that the person who came forward did so knowing this would happen. I see men – always men – complaining that women should report these crimes so we can get these rapists off the streets. I see feminists proposing that women should be jailed if they refuse to cooperate with police once a report has been filed – for the good of the rest of the community, you see. I see women who have publicly spoken about their own experience of assault write 5,000 word pieces about why we need to be more careful about who we accuse and what we women drink.

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The Good Guy Illusion: What It Means When Men Declare They "Hate" Rape

You see, these men really hate rape. They think it’s terrible that women (always women) suffer at the hands of other men. They’ll threaten to beat up rapists, maybe even saying the rapists themselves should be “raped and murdered.” As much as they hate rape, they want us, their audience of attentive listeners, to know that they hate rape. They say it over and over and over, just so we know exactly where they stand.

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Attack of the Brogressive: Sexual Liberation, Conservative Thought, and The Misreading of Feminist Sexual Ethics

A direct sexual advance toward a complete stranger in a non-sexual environment, no matter how nicely worded, is only ever going to harassment. It doesn’t matter if you’re good looking or ugly, if you’re a man or a woman, if you’re in a bar or on the street – direct propositions for sex are forcing a sexual conversation on a person whom you do not know, whom you did not obtain the consent of, and whom, in all likelihood, doesn’t want to have sex with you, especially not now.

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Consent is Not a Negotiation: Love, Respect, and Warped Ideas of Sin

The evangelical purity movement proposes a view of marriage and sex in which one person’s pleasure is consistently prioritized over another’s bodily autonomy. It is a view of marriage that insists the spouse is a masturbatory aide for their partner, rather than a full and consenting participant in the act, because they already consented when they said "I do."

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Marriage is a Covenant, Not a Contract

Marriage is first and foremost about two people coming together, committing to be with each other and to become a new family. The sexual relationship is one element of a number of things that have to come together and be communicated about in order to make a marital relationship work. This new family must decide where and how they’ll live, how they’ll communicate and check in on the relationship, make end of life decisions in the event of illness or accidents, what churches they’ll attend, whether or not to have kids and how they will parent them. It is two different people working out how to support each other throughout their lives and committing to loving each other (often) exclusively. This may or may not include sex, but sex is not the end-all-be-all of the marital relationship.

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