Posts tagged shame
Five Lies the Church Told Me About Sex

The culture of evangelicalism is very insular and very hard to move out of once you’ve been in it for a long time. There is so much that is simply understood and taken for granted that leaving that world feels like moving into a foreign country where nothing is like it seems. And you begin to realize your home country was lying to you about nearly everything.

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What Being Free of Shame Looks Like

The thing about shame is that it’s insidious. It gets directly at our anxieties and pushes all the right buttons. And shame almost always comes from the outside – it starts as an external pressure saying “you are not enough” or “you are too much.” And over time, we internalize such speech and it becomes second nature to quiet ourselves, to dedicate ourselves to taking up less space, to avoiding shame through coping mechanisms that make us less ourselves.

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Unlearning Purity Culture: Can Abstinence Be Right?

Abstinence or celibacy may be the right choice for you. And that may change depending on life circumstances – things change and our ideas of ourselves shift throughout our lifetimes. Such choices are not sources of pride - they are shifts in our states of being. The intentionality, grace, and love with which we approach sexual choices, including abstinence, is what matters.

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Unlearning Purity Culture: Stephanie's Story

We were all trying so hard to live up to an ideal driven by guilt, shame and conservative politics which ignored human emotions.  After a long, long time I realized I wasn't a bad person.  Of course, I still would have promoted abstinence as I was heartbroken from the whole experience, just like they had warned me.  Then I realized something else: that was the reason I felt bad.

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Words Mean Things: Shame, Oppression, and Power

Only, when we refer to mere discomfort as “shame,” we undermine very real shame. It’s like when we compare things that are not the Holocaust to the Holocaust – each time we do this, we erode the intensity, the meaningfulness, and the tragedy of the events. We take away the ability to describe truly shameful things if even the slightest criticism is viewed as “shaming.”

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